Yours Faithfully Part 2

Dear Diary,

I have not been up to much recently, surprisingly. I’ve just pondered around the TARDIS a fair number of times, thinking. Oh, diary, a Time Lord should never be left alone with their thoughts for too long, especially not one as old as me.  Amy and Rory are gone now, River is busy with her life at the moment and I don’t wish to disturb them in their lives right now. It’s not that I’m bored of them now; I just find it hurts to travel with people whether it is for a short amount of time or a long amount of time. I always feel better when I travel alone. Actually, you know what? That’s a lie. It always has been. I can’t travel alone because it means I spend even more time thinking. I cannot help but think about everything and anything happening around me. What can I say; it really IS the curse of the Time Lords.

There is one person who has been on my mind increasingly recently: Rose. I can’t stop thinking about her. I have said goodbye to her, more than once, but never willingly. It’s always been a thing that must happen, not that I want it to happen. I act like I don’t think about her anymore, that I’ve got over her, that she’s just another companion, just another person I’ve fallen in love with. But no, there is and always has been something different about her. I don’t know what, but I love it. I love everything about her. The way her hair falls across her face, the little dimples when she smiles, those beautiful big eyes of hers. Everything. I see no flaw in her. None whatsoever. Through my eyes, she is perfect. I feel like the only person who notices it, but I guess that really is just me. I have honestly never felt like this with anybody else before. And I still love her. I still miss her every second of the day that passes. I have tried distracting myself from thinking of her by going on adventures and getting into a whole lot of chaos, but nothing works. I can’t stop thinking about her.

Gosh, this is getting pretty personal. I have never told anybody this before, diary. Not even Rose. I still regret my choice in so many ways when I last saw her at Bad Wolf Bay. I’m such an idiot sometimes. I love Rose with both my hearts, but I had to decide between knowing she’ll live happily ever after with the man she loves or me being able to spend more time with her but putting her in danger the entire time. Of course I’m going to choose the former option, I’m The Doctor. That’s what I do. I save lives. It’s in the name. That’s why I call myself The Doctor. Plus it sounds quite cool.

I sometimes wish I could travel back to Pete’s World again. Just to say hello. Just to see how Rose and my human duplicate are getting along. What it’s like to take the slow path for once. Just to see that gorgeous smile one last time.

Oh, diary, I am sorry for pouring out all of my feelings to you at this hour, but I feel this is the only place I can. Nobody else could possibly understand what goes through my head at any given moment. It is utter chaos, dear diary. But, I think if I told somebody like you, perhaps it may ease slightly. I don’t know. I sort of hope so because I have nothing else to help me.

Yours faithfully,

The Doctor